


i'd conquer this world for you

by hanjisgirlfriend



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Ymirs POV, historia is a lesbian i dont take arguments, kind of, they're so tragic, unspoken feelings, ymir loves historia so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:53:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28761345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanjisgirlfriend/pseuds/hanjisgirlfriend
Summary: The presence in front of her was golden, light, angelic. She wanted to stay here, here of all places, with this girl. Here on her deathbed. This feeling-- what was it?***As Ymir approaches her imminent death, she reflects on her first and only love. Although she swore to herself nothing could distract her from her path in life, she realizes how much one girl's faith had impacted her.
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss & Ymir, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	i'd conquer this world for you

**Author's Note:**

> Do not read ahead if you are not caught up with seasons 2-4 of aot. (I obviously do not own any part of aot and this is just the depressing shit I pull from my mind)

_I’ll die without regrets._

_I’ll die without regrets._

_I’ll die…_

“Ymir?”

A pale hand stretched up out of the dim light, softly touching her cheek and warming the cold, freckled skin on her face. Ymir leaned into the embrace, disregarding the uncomfortable metal cuffs digging into her wrists. The presence in front of her was golden, light, angelic. She wanted to stay here, here of all places, with this girl. Here on her deathbed. This feeling-- what was it? She looked up only to find that the girl had vanished.

  
Ymir’s motive had been simple. Help the girl she had discovered accidentally. Force her to own up to her actual identity, coax her in the right direction so she would not waste her entire life, just as Ymir had done. The last thing she wanted to do was witness an amazing girl like that throw her future away.

  
It was funny, in a way. How incredible and captivating this stupid girl was. Everybody seemed to think she was a god. The blonde scout. The tall brunette scout. Ymir knew what it was like to be worshipped like that, and she would shudder just thinking of those memories. She had been tricked, forced to act as a miracle for those poor people, when, in reality, she was just a lonely kid that craved attention.

But this girl? This girl was nothing like that. This girl could have anybody she wanted, and she knew it. Yet she stayed humble.

And she chose Ymir.

***

Wind ripped through the air as the pair trudged through the deep snow. Ymir cursed under her breath. She could tell that the other girl was at least ten feet behind her. Ignore it. Ignore her. Just keep going. Everyone else had arrived at the base, and it was already way too late to be wandering around in the dark.

  
She heard a soft exclamation and stopped, slowly peering behind her.

  
“Would you hurry up?” she demanded.

  
Krista struggled to stand. “Sorry. It’s hard to walk in this snow.”

  
“Yeah, yeah. Come on.” Ymir turned back and stomped forward until she heard another thump. “Seriously--.”

  
She closed her mouth. Krista’s backpack had slipped over her head and caused her to fall face-first. The cot that she had been tugging behind her with Daz’s unconscious body was building up a small bank of snow.

  
Ymir picked her way to Krista’s side and yanked her and the pack up off the ground. Once the girl was upright, she shouldered her backpack and gave Ymir a small smile. “Thanks.”

  
Ymir looked away and stuck out her gloved hand. “Here. Hold on to me so you can keep up. It’d be better if you just left him. He’s slowing us down.”  
Krista hesitated, earning an impatient look from the other girl. “No way. I won’t leave him when we have a chance to get him back safely.”

  
Ymir sighed, and together, they struggled through the snow in silence.

  
“Ymir--”

  
“If you talk less, it’s easier to breathe,” Ymir said shortly, not quite interested in conversation.

  
“I… I know that!” Krista replied, frowning. “I was only going to say that it’s obvious I’m slowing you down.”

  
“We’ll be there soon.”

  
“No, we won’t.”

  
Ymir raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Hm?”

  
“I can tell where we are,” Krista said quietly. “At least five miles away from the other scouts.”

  
Ymir scowled into the swirling snowflakes ahead of them. She was right. “It’ll be light soon.”

  
“Yes. But we’ll be slaughtered by the first titans that see us.”

  
Trust me. We won’t. I would never let them get to you. “Then leave Daz and keep walking.”

  
“Ymir--”

  
“I said leave him! You know what? Give me your backpack.” Ymir snatched the backpack from the girl’s hands and yanked it open, rummaging through the items. “None of these are necessities. Ditch it so you can walk faster.”

  
“No, Ymir--”

  
“If you really think we won’t make it, I can carry you on my back, but there’s no way in hell I’m pulling that waste of space. Is that what you want?” Ymir stopped when Krista tugged aggressively on her parka hood, causing a storm of snowflakes to drift down between them.

  
“Here,” Krista shifted her weight around and dumped her backpack in Ymir’s arms. “You go on ahead to the base. Leave me with Daz. I’ll meet you. This way, since you’re so concerned about it, we’ll all make it alive.”

  
Ymir froze for a split second, shocked by the audacity of the tiny girl. She had not asked Ymir for help at any time during the entire course; it had been Ymir being the one aiding her without permission.

  
She realized that Krista had no hope of Daz’s survival, nor did she intend on herself surviving.

  
“Go,” Krista urged.

  
Ymir turned her back on the girl and started forward, squinting through the snow. How could such a small person be so courageous, so kind?

  
She was everything Ymir was not. She was everything Ymir was so careful not to be.

  
She stopped in her tracks, looking back at Krista.

  
“If you’re chasing a heroic ending, this sure isn’t one.” Ymir watched her breath melt away in the icy air, waiting on her comrade’s response. “Krista?”

  
She almost took a few hurried steps back in her direction until she heard a response.

  
“I’m not. Don’t worry about me.”

  
Ymir cursed silently, willing her heartbeat to slow. If she had gotten so frightened over not hearing an answer from that girl…

  
“Fine. Hurry, then.”

  
She took one final look at the hunched over blonde figure and set off toward the base, walking along a faint path of the other scouts’ footprints until she reached a dropoff.  
The snow was falling lightly now, the pitch-black darkness beginning to fade to a light greyish-blue. Stars stretched through the huge expanse of the sky, sparkling through the flakes in the air.

  
No, no, no, not right now, not right now--

  
Too late. The memories came in hot flashes. Ymir squeezed her head in distress, hands pressing into the rough material of her parka.

  
Crowds and crowds of people. All dead. Monsters. You’re a _monster._

  
“Stop,” Ymir pleaded, falling to her knees. “Stop…”

  
She saw the wide, sloping desert. She felt the stab of the needle in the back of her neck.

  
“No, no, no, no--!”

  
She heard the shriek of the helpless boy she had devoured in a matter of seconds.

  
Tears were coming down fast now. They dripped down the bridge of her nose as she braced herself against the ground.

  
She saw the colors of the sky and the multitude of stars when she woke up alone in the sand. She remembered how she had stretched her arms out and embraced the gift of life, temporarily oblivious to the pain she had caused already, in such a short time.

  
“Stop it!” Ymir yelled, her voice muffled by the snow she was nearly wrist-deep in. “I can’t… I can’t change any of this now!”

  
Who was she talking to? Why even bother anymore?

  
She should just throw herself off the cliff she was approaching and make everyone else's life easier.

  
Even if she tried, she would just end up with a dozen broken bones and steaming limbs. That was the price of being a shifter. Unless she gave herself up to a passing titan, she had no other immediate way of dying.

  
“Fuck.” Ymir pushed herself off the ground and stared at her gloved hands, eyes stinging from the salty tears that had already froze.

  
Where was that Krista? She rose to her feet and began to retrace her steps.

  
She was a titan shifter. She might as well put it to use and save the girl’s life.

  
“Krista, dammit, you can’t save him!” Ymir stomped toward the girl who was halfheartedly pulling the cot with Daz’s body. “What the hell? You’ve barely moved a fourth of a mile.”

  
Krista grit her teeth in concentration. “I…won’t…leave him.” She steadily trudged past Ymir with a convincing look of determination.

  
“You’re heading for a cliff,” Ymir replied, and added bluntly, “I know you’re not planning to survive.”

  
Krista slowly came to a stop. “There’s no way I could.”

  
Ymir caught her breath as the other girl let the rope connecting to the cot fall to the ground.

  
“I wanted you to leave,” Krista said. “Ymir, why didn’t you go? You can make it.” She quickly walked to Ymir’s side and shoved her in the direction of the cliff’s slope. “Go!”

  
Ymir brushed off the weak attempt to force her away and put her hands on Krista’s shoulders. As soon as she did, she forced herself to look straight into her captivating ocean eyes.

  
“Ymir…”

  
“Listen. I know who you are. I know your past. Why do you think I joined this lousy squad? When I lived in the interior, I overheard a conversation. About you. Historia.” Krista’s eyes widened. “Whether you like it or not, you’re royalty. It doesn’t matter if you were an illegitimate child, you still made it out alive…”

  
Ymir paused and looked down at Krista’s hands, which now touched hers on top of her shoulders.

  
“Stop living this lie, Historia. By accepting death, you give into your enemies. By living with this fake name of yours, you’re giving into your enemies. Live for yourself. Don’t live for them.”

  
Light broke through over the horizon and spilled onto their faces, giving color to Historia’s flushed pink complexion and bright turquoise irises. Her tangled blonde hair threatened to fall over her face and block her vision. Ymir reached out and brushed her hair away, beneath her hood.

  
“Historia,” Ymir repeated. “Promise me you’ll live for yourself.”

  
Historia’s gaze hovered on Ymir’s and she gave a hesitant nod.

  
“And only yourself.”

  
“Ymir--!”

  
“Promise me.”

  
Ymir’s voice almost broke as she said those last two words, and she averted her gaze quickly from Historia’s.

  
“I… I promise.” The blonde girl squeezed Ymir’s hand to get her attention. “But there’s no way we can all make it back alive. Not now.”

  
“We need to throw him over the cliff.”

  
“No way!”

  
“Then I’ll throw you over the cliff! Do you want that?”

  
Historia bit her lip and glanced between Daz’s body and the sharp drop-off.

  
“You won’t leave him, will you?” Ymir shouted. “You’re just bringing death upon yourself! You could’ve made it, after all you’ve just been through!”

  
She could feel the panic rising in her throat, and realized she would rather meet her own untimely demise than let Historia meet hers. A sick feeling twisted in her gut. There was only one option now.

  
She scooped Historia up and slung her over her shoulder.

  
“Ymir! What the--!” Historia protested. “The hell are you doing? Let go!”

  
Ymir felt her pound her layered fists on her back and struggled to keep her balance when she began to kick her legs.

  
“Ymir!” Historia yelled, but Ymir ignored her and, with all her strength, launched her in the general direction of a tree that was heavily weighed down with snow.

  
The tree shuddered from Historia’s impact and dropped three feet of excess snow on her head.

  
“Forgive me,” Ymir said quietly, and hiked Daz’s body over her shoulder.

  
She faced the cliff and tugged her gloves off with her teeth, slipping her knife out of her sleeve.

  
With this action, she would likely lose the most important friendship and the only friendship she had formed in her life.

  
Ymir slashed her palm with the silver blade of the knife and flinched.

  
It was better than losing the girl she loved altogether.

  
And with that, she leapt off the cliff.

***

 _What was this feeling?_ Ymir hung limply by her cuffed wrists, hopeless eyes staring aimlessly at the ground far below her. Here she was, looking over another cliff. A cliff that she could no longer jump off of, a cliff on which she would meet her death.

  
 _What was this feeling?_ Chained up like an animal. That’s what she was-- an animal. A monster. She was no longer a god or a comrade. She was a beast that needed to be slaughtered. It was inevitable that she would be slaughtered, yet…

  
 _What was this feeling?_ Ymir had no regrets. She had lived her life selfishly, isolated from any other member of the Cadet Corps to avoid feelings like this. All those years forcing herself to appear hostile and unapproachable had been to make her short life as bearable as possible.  
Her dark eyes widened. It was obvious now.

  
That smile, those ocean eyes. How could she forget?

  
It was a regret of hers, leaving behind an angel like her.

  
However it was also the most heart-wrenching, desolate pain that Ymir ever experienced. More so than losing a limb, more so than the crushing guilt of her sins, more so than causing the deaths of a hundred innocent people.

  
The agony of losing the one whom she lived her entire life for was worse than death.

  
And so when Ymir was faced with the jaws of the titan who was to inherit her power, she simply pictured Historia’s face, red from the cold, frowning in frustration.

  
It dawned on her then, the motive of her life… it was, in fact, selfish.

  
She had fallen in love, and the one whom she loved had returned it.

  
She had fallen in love, only to leave the one whom she loved anguished and miserable behind the bars of a suffocating loneliness.

  
That night on top of the tower-- Historia had leaned over the edge and breathed in the freezing air with a gentle look on her face.

  
“You’ll stick by my side, right?” she said softly, tilting her head back to meet Ymir’s cold eyes with an amiable gaze.

  
Ymir spoke without thinking. “Yes.”

  
“Then I promise I’ll always be by yours. No matter what.”

  
“Really?” The taller girl strode over to the edge of the tower. “What happened to living your life for yourself?”

  
“You’re one to talk,” Historia replied with a laugh. “You always seem to save me. No one had ever jumped off a cliff for me until you came along.”

  
Ymir bent over the stone of the tower, taking in the view of sloping fields and snow covered trees. Moonlight glistened along the horizon, giving the illusion of an endless stretch of land. “I would do anything to save you.”

  
She turned away immediately, embarrassed of saying something so foolish to the girl that stood next to her.

  
“Ymir…” Historia reached for her hand, but Ymir refused to look up at her. “Ymir, look at me.”

  
When she did, Ymir felt soft lips on hers, kissing her with a slow, deliberate passion. Historia grabbed her shirt collar, pulling her closer, and Ymir reacted quickly, gently running her hands through Historia’s blonde hair.

  
They broke apart, breathing hard, their rapid heartbeats in synch, faces flushed and foreheads pressed together. To Ymir’s dismay, she felt a tear run down her cheek.

  
Historia wiped it away with her thumb, wanting only to ease the visible distress that was written in Ymir’s expression.

  
Ymir kissed the girl in front of her once more, longing to stay there forever.

  
“I would conquer this world for you,” she told Historia quietly, then gave in to the rest of the tears she had been holding back.

  
Historia held her tightly, letting Ymir’s sobs wrack her body. It was all she could do to not cry, because she knew what that sentence meant.

  
And she loved her, too.

  
So in Ymir’s final moments, before she took her last breath, she remembered that life she had led, that life led by that blinding love.

  
She felt herself smile.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! i hope you enjoyed this more than i did (i cried lol) plz lmk if you liked it & sorry if anything seems off, this is my first post


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